LGBT+ People Have Vocations Too

What is the vocation of someone who experiences exclusive or predominately same-sex attractions? The answer can’t be the terse response: “Everyone is called to chastity.” Chastity isn’t a vocation—it’s a virtue. The Church needs to actually offer good news to these individuals and an invitation of what we’re called toward. The pastoral theology of LGBT+ individuals is sorely underdeveloped and under-practiced, and thus, it remains largely uncharted territory. But the Church is not walking blindly into the unknown; it has the tools of discernment to learn where God is present and active, and therefore, we can explore this wilderness alongside LGBT+ people as we discover each person’s unique purpose.  

The vocation of all people is to share in the life of God (Catechism of the Catholic Church paragraph 1). But within that call is each person’s unique vocation, often summed up in one of three options: Matrimony, Holy Orders, or Religious Life. But the growing demographic of single Catholics within the Church highlights the reality that our particular vocation isn’t so much an ascent to titles like “Sister” or “Mister” but an uncovering of how our lives are a gift to the Church and to the world. Coming out as LGBT+ does not automatically determine one’s vocation. Each person must discern how they are called to live their life, which was given as a gift from God and which we are invited to give back to God (c.f. Mt 25:14-30).

Saint Ignatius of Loyola provided the single greatest work on discerning our particular call by learning to recognize the voice of God active in his life. His highly introspective approach works to untangle our emotions and desires from our inmost being so that we might know when God is speaking to us. And while there are innumerable means by which the voice of God is active and present in our lives, St. Ignatius notes that the voice of God has two prevailing movements: consolation and desolation.

Consolation is not mere happiness or the absence of conflict but a deep and abiding peace. It is a trust in God, a movement toward our ultimate end of heaven, and may exist even amidst turmoil. For instance, someone may have experienced profound loss but still feel a sense of God’s presence. Despite the external circumstances, that person is in consolation because they sense and experience the presence of God.

In contrast, desolation is an absence or feeling far away from God. A “darkness of soul, disturbance in it, movement to things low and earthly, the unquiet of different agitations and temptations, moving…without hope, without love, when one finds oneself all lazy, tepid, [and] sad” (The Spiritual Exercises). Someone may have achieved incredible success in their work, be financially stable, and have numerous friends, yet feel within a sense of darkness and unquiet as if something is missing from their lives. Despite the outward success of an individual and the apparent happiness they “ought” to have, this person is likely in desolation because of that internal unrest.  The Church often forgets to listen to these movements within LGBT+ individuals when talking about their calling and purpose.

There is a subset of the Church, consider speakers like Fr. Mike Schmitz, that views same-sex attracted individuals as suffering servants within the Church, called to deny their desires and so carry a heavy cross for the salvation of souls—sure to be rewarded greatly in heaven for their obedience. But this vision is a gift, a calling, a vocation; it cannot be an expectation.

What is missing here is the critical step of accompaniment and the far scarier task of listening to the voice of God. The idyllic vision above is a picture of an individual’s vocation well discerned and well-lived after years of growing in the knowledge of self and God. This vision of someone called to the celibate single life would be like witnessing the fiftieth wedding anniversary of a married couple as they recounted how their marriage had been a gift to the world. And that beautiful marriage is the result of thousands of small yeses that did not begin with an “I do” but started long before the couple met with each asking, “What is God’s will for me?” This is and must be the same starting point for LGBT+ people.

When someone comes out as queer or same-sex attracted in Catholic circles, the response can’t be to slap them with the vocation to the single life. That’s like setting up two high schoolers who said they were both called to marriage or ordaining that guy on a retreat who said that God called him to be a priest. A vocation to the priesthood or married life takes time, often has a meandering journey, and requires the individual to consent and give their life to their spouse and the Church. Why would it be any different for queer people?

Instead of holding up that same-sex attracted high school kid as some kind pinnacle of living contrary to “the world,” consider instead taking a moment to help that person check in to where the voice of God is.  Where are they experiencing peace? Where is there desolation? And if there is consolation, what is that next, small step that God is inviting them into?

The Church is moving into uncharted territory with LGBT+ individuals. It does not yet know how to effectively and compassionately help this population discover their unique call. And I sense a fear within the Church to listen to where the Spirit is moving and, instead, a desire to control and dictate. Giving into this fear will prevent a beautiful unfolding of this population’s vocations, and to lose a vocation is to lose a piece of God’s presence in this world.

We cannot discern for someone else. We cannot tell someone what their vocation is. But we can help people discover and know the voice of God. We can reflect back to others where we see peace and joy and where we see their unrest and discontent. Jesus did not call Peter to lead the Church or even follow him that first day they met (c.f. Luke 4:38). And the vocation of someone with same-sex attractions is not pre-determined the moment they come out but equally revealed over time. It can only be discovered by listening to the Spirit at work within them. This is a positive theology that we can offer. LGBT+ people are not called to a single life; they, like all of us, are called to discover God’s will.

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